Ten Teams’ Gear You DON’T want to own

These are the Bottom of the Barrel, the absolute worst, “the na-na-na-na boo boo stick your head in doo doo” collection of jerseys and sports gear, under no circumstances should any of you buy these. – J

Florida Panthers

The last time this team appeared in the playoffs was more than a decade ago (1999-00 season,) the last time they WON a playoff series, I was barely five years old (1995-96.) This lesson in futility should have taught NHL commisioner Gary Bettman to keep teams in Canada and not put them in Southern Florida. Terrible colors, a terrible logo, and the fact this team cannot hold on to any good players for more than a couple years lead to the disaster they are currently in.

Ohio State Buckeyes

Does this really need explanation? Being a Michigan fan, yes I hate the Suckeyes more than any other team in college, however, in the past ten years, they have become the poster-child of hatred for the rest of America as well. Whenever OSU is in a bowl game, it is rare that any fans but OSU fans are cheering for them. Add to the list their many scandals (375 NCAA violations since 2001) and their most recent, which further proved how corrupt the NCAA is as a whole, and you get OSU. And also, do you really want to dress like a bunch of hillbillies in Ohio do?

Kansas City Royals

This photo signifies what the Kansas City Royals have been recently in baseball, getting smacked in the face year after year. The Royals have not been good since the days of George Brett back in the 1980’s, besides the fact that they dwell in the plains and in the bottom of the AL Central division, they do have their alternate cap going for them, which is the only justifiable piece of Royals swag for anyone (including myself) to own.

Charlotte Bobcats

Casual NBA fans will remember there used to be a team called the Charlotte Hornets up until 2002, when they packed their bags and headed to New Orleans to continue their perilous journey through the middle of the standings. Two years later, the league decided to throw Charlotte a bone and give them a new, ill-fated franchise, the Bobcats. They have had some decent players go through the ranks (Gerald Wallace, Ray Felton) but the team did not even make the playoffs in the weak Eastern conference until 2009-10, and they cannot sell out home games. The only thing they do have going for them is that his Airness, Michael Jordan, owns the team, hopefully he can inject some winning spirit into them, but until then, don’t be caught in Bobcats gear unless you are a fan or live in Carolina.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish

This describes most true Notre Dame fans, Delusional and Irrational. If ND played in a conference, perhaps they would get more respect, but they continue to underachieve. Wearing ND gear is like being an old person, you remember the past fondly, but have trouble grasping the present. In my experience with Notre Dame fans (except for my relatives who are alums) ND fans have a bad rap for a reason, they are rude, overbearing, and yes, delusional, they are a complete pain to deal with at Michigan games, so unless you want to be grouped in with them, don’t buy ND gear.

West Virginia Mountaineers

For those of you who are a little short on geographical knowledge, there is actually a 35 mile border shared between Ohio and West Virginia, the thought of going to that area scares me for the amount of redneck behavior that takes place. Ohio State fans are bad, but West Virginia are a close second. WVU fans are somewhat like ND fans, highly delusional, except, WVU is capable of winning bowl games and basketball games. However, in football, they play in the highly inferior Big East, which is like playing High School football (as Connecticut proved this year.) So unless you really are a fan, why waste your money on WVU gear? Cal Berkley pulls off blue and gold much better and is respectable clothing to wear.

Italy National Soccer Team

You all knew I would not make it through an entire list without mentioning a soccer team, now note, before you read this, I do have Italian lineage. The Italian National Soccer team are probably the most hated National side in world soccer. They are overrated, over reliant on old old players, arrogant, and have an undeserved sense of entitlement. Prime examples of this are Marco Materazzi who had the nerve to talk trash to one of the greatest of all time, or Francesco Totti, arguably one of the best center forwards in Serie A history, but is also a colossal prick. Unless you are Italian, I highly suggest not owning Italy gear, their pathetic showings are rivaled only by the 2010 France squad. 

Cleveland Cavaliers (Pre-During and Post LBJ era)

Again with the Ohio, everyone knows that until 2003, the Cavs were irrelavent, and now in 2011, they still are, now that their 26 game losing streak is over. Even from 2003 to 2010, we all know one thing, people watched Cleveland to watch the LeBron show, and now that he is gone, the Cavs are again yesterday’s news. If anyone reading this owned a Cavs jersey that was NOT LeBron, please inform me, because that would be impressive (it doesn’t count if you did own a LeBron Cavs jersey and then bought a jamison, O’Neal, etc.) So really if you owned any of the gear, besides LeBron, you really wasted time and money , well, at least not as much money as these people

Washington Nationals

I am not saying don’t buy Nats gear because they are like the Yankees and win every year, or because they are like the Cubs who are beloved but incredibly talented at shatting the bed. I am saying save yourself some agony because the Nationals are TERRIBLE. The team has not made the playoffs since they were in Montreal, and when they did it was 1981, thirty years ago since they have even sniffed the postseason. And with giving A-Rod money to players like Jayson Werth, it will be a while before they can get to the dance, so save yourself the trouble, and stick to your hometown team, not the Nats.

Pittsburgh Penguins

Ah yes, the flavor of the year team. The Pittsburgh Penguins were the hottest thing for non-hockey and casual hockey fans alike. They had arguably the “face” of the NHL in Sidney Crosby, 2nd liner Evgeni Malkin, who had a scoring touch as deadly as a young Sergei Federov, and a bevy of other young talent. As a 20 year die-hard member of Hockeytown, let me explain this. How does a team get such good young talent? BY BEING SO TERRIBLE. From 2001, when Jaromir Jagr was traded and Mario Lemieux fell off, the Penguins were one of the WORST teams in hockey until 2007. By having so many high draft picks, they stockpiled the talent. However, this year, they proved they are a two man team, no Malkin, no Crosby, and the icebirds are near the middle of the standings instead of the top. So unless you want to be deemed a true fair weather fan, do not buy Penguins gear, they are a true sign of bandwagonery.


Posted on March 1, 2011, in Top Lists/Countdowns. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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