10 Names you do NOT want on the back of your Soccer Jersey

Under no circumstance should you waste your hard earned dollars on these players to adorn the back of your beautiful new soccer jersey. Each has committed his own offense and because of this, don’t waste your money by lining these terrible ten’s pockets even more.

Ronaldo (Cristiano) – Real Madrid/Portugal

Crime: Being more concerned about his Celebutard status than making sure his team is successful on the field.

Think about what you hear about Ronaldo, for every incredible goal you hear about him score for Madrid, you hear about who he is dating, when his new Armani ad is being released, and what fashion show he made an appearance at. I will not deny, Ronaldo is worthy of that as he has been voted by many as one of the most attractive footballer’s in the world, but at the same time, look at some of the past and present greats (Good looking or not.) Zidane, Shearer, Messi, Cryuff, Pele. None of those best of the generation players cared so much about their celebrity, unlike CR7, making him basically the Kim Kardashian of soccer. He also has a very me-first approach, Common knowledge says that Ruud Van Nistelrooy was forced to leave United in the Summer of 2006 due to a spat with Ronaldo and then assistant coach Carlos Quieroz (conviently now the head coach of the Portugal national team (and was called Ronaldo’s daddy by V.Nistelrooy.) Also, do you really want to own a shirt that more than three million people already do?

Terry (John) – Chelsea/England

Crime: Being a complete douche bag to former teammate Wayne Bridge by violating Bros Before Hoes, and being the Captain of the second most Glory hunting club in the Prem.

Besides Chelsea ‘fans’, who really likes John Terry? This was before 2010, probably one of the worst year’s of Terry’s career (except for the Double which Chelsea won.) Last year, news broke of a relationship between Terry and Vanessa Perroncel, former girlfriend of then-Chelsea teammate Wayne Bridge. Bridge was so offended by his teammate’s actions that he refused to play for the England national team as long as Terry did and this photo below epitomizes their relationship. Prior to the City-Chelsea match in February 2010, Bridge refused to shake Terry’s hand. Due to his actions and the media firestorm, Terry’s form dipped and he was stripped of the England captaincy by the FA prior to the 2010 World Cup.

Materazzi (Marco) – Inter/Italy

Crime: Being a very dirty player who ended Zidane’s glorious career in the worst way possible.

First off, in case you could not tell, Marco Materazzi is Italian, making him very vein and annoying on the pitch (I’m 1/4 Italian and even I hate him and the national team, except for Totti and Cannavaro) Materzzi has been known throughout his career for two things 1. as an instigator, always causing trouble, trying to get referees to pull cards on other players after he pushes their buttons. 2. As an incredibly average, unskilled Center half. However, in the World Cup Final, he finally did the worst, He thought he was important enough to even speak to Zidane, let alone insult one of the Greatest to ever step on the pitch. No one knows exactly what Materazzi said to Zidane (common belief is that he called his mother a terrorist, as Zidane is of Algerian heritage.) Causing the career of the greatest French player of all time to end on the lowest of notes. So thank you Marco, you left us with Zidane at his worst, and he is more than ten times the defender you ever could be.

Barton (Joey) – Newcastle United

Crime: Being an actual, convicted criminal, while still being allowed to play for Toon.

Since he stepped on the field at Manchester City, Joey Barton has had a temper on field, easily can be considered this generation’s Roy Keane, but to a worser degree. Barton has gotten in fights with civilians off the field, set cars on fire and has been convicted on multiple offenses, yet he still anchors Newcastle’s Midfield. It seems his goal in life is not to be a great midfielder, but to create disruptive and violent acts. He is reviled by most people in the soccer world and does not deserve the loyalty that Newcastle United have shown him.

Drogba (Didier) – Chelsea/Ivory Coast

Crime: Being a notoriously hot-headed flopper

Drogba is one of the most talented strikers in Europe, no denying that, but how he carries himself is his problem. Towards the end of his tenure, he split odds with fellow egotist Jose Mourinho at Chelsea, leading Mourinho to label Drogba as a flopper. Drogba is known to get very vocal with referees which have led  to a number of red cards over his Chelsea career. Finally THIS blow up after Chelsea’s Champions League loss to Barcelona in Spring 2009 sums up how angry of a person Drogba is. He may be incredibly talented, but there are better, more level-headed and harder working players to put on the back of your Chelsea shirt.

Carles Puyol – Barcelona/Spain

Crimes: Over dramatization on fouls, over glorification by FC Barcelona, Overshadowing his better backfield counterpart, Gerard Pique, and being incredibly rich yet resembling a homeless person

Puyol is like Manchester United, he has been favored, which has led to his success. He began his career as an undersized center half who gained a starting position at Barca due to injury. He took full advantage and is now one of the more overrated center-backs in soccer, with his top highlight being a ridiculous header that took Spain to the World Cup final over Germany (killing the dream matchup of Holland vs. Germany.) Puyol also holds captaincy at Barca, which should go to Xavi, as he is a better leader, and overshadows his younger, more talented (and better looking) counterpart Gerard Pique, who could become the best Center-Back in the World within the next five years. So stay away from Puyol, the soldier of fortune (and again, he looks like  a homeless person)

Diouf (El Hadji) – Rangers

Crimes: Being the most hated man in world soccer:

Exhibit A: He spit on an 11 year old boy during a UEFA Cup match at Celtic while playing for Liverpool

Exhibit B: Mocking Jamie Mackie of QPR as Mackie was being stretchered off the field with a broken leg (which a tackle by Diouf caused) – above

Everywhere Diouf goes, he is reviled. The senegalese midfeilder has a notorious evil streak due to his hot temper and poor public relations with clubs and fans. Some of Diouf’s greatest hits include the above spitting incident, and teasing and laughing at a player after breaking his leg and said player was beings stretchered off the pitch. Diouf is not only a hated soccer player, but a terrible human being, if I see any of you wearing his name on the back of a shirt, you will be mercilessly laughed at and then derided as being a terrible person who wasted 100 dollars.

De Jong (Nigel) – Manchester City Federal Credit Union/Holland (currently suspended)

Crime: His nickname says it all “The Butcher of Manchester” De Jong is easily one of the dirtiest players in the world.

Nigel De Jong showed his true colors this summer playing one half of the enforcer role for the Oranje in their run to the World Cup final. The photo above is him and his Bruce Lee style Karate Kick right into the sternum of Xabi Alonso, shockingly, Howard Webb did not send off De Jong for the offense. De Jong’s butchery continued in the EPL season, when THIS violent tackle broke the leg of Newcastle winger Hatem Ben-Arfa, ending his season after only a few weeks. The tackle was such a gross offense that Dutch coach Bert Van Marwijk dropped De Jong from the Netherlands national squad for Euro qualifying games until he cleaned up his act.

Adebayor (Emmanuel) – Real Madrid

Crime: Choosing when to be a good striker versus being a mopey little kid

Deemed “Paymemor” by Arsenal supporters when he alienated the fans during the 2008-09 season, the Togolese striker’s career has been blighted not by injury, but by his split personality. When Adebayor wanted to play well, he was one of the best strikers in the world (30 goals for Arsenal in 2007-08 and this wundergoal against Valencia in the 08-09 Champions League.) However, much of the time, he was busy complaining about his “low” wages and his lack of playing time behind more talented players (ex: Robin Van Persie and then at City, Carlos Tevez.) Adebayor now finds himself at Madrid, but will be displaced by another Argentinian in Gonazlo Higuain when he returns to full health.

Rooney (Wayne) – Manchester United/England

Crime: Demanding a pay raise when not scoring a goal in almost a year (Fall 2010)

Many of you may claim right now “but Jay, your just accusing us glory-hunting Manure fans because you’re an Arsenal fan and are jealous.” That would be false, I completely believe that United could win a title without Rooney at all, Berba and Cheech are more than capable strikers. Wearing a Rooney jersey (2010-present) is like wearing a Brett Favre jersey, as much like the notorious sexter, Rooney was great, but now cares more about himself than anything else, which is why he is the highest paid player in the Premier League when he barely produces. His ridiculous wages make Yaya Toure’s 220,000 pounds/week look almost worth it.

There you go, ten men you do not want on the back of your soccer jersey, don’t forget to read the counter article, ten players who SHOULD be on the back of your jersey, but probably are not – J


Posted on February 8, 2011, in Soccer, Top Lists/Countdowns. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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